'Imposter syndrome'. This fabricated term for feeling like you shouldn’t be in the spaces you enter. That you are incompetent and about to get found out. Disproportionately affecting underrepresented people and presenting additional challenge, it can be debilitating, leading to anxiety, intrusive thoughts and holding back.
I’ve been creating space to challenge my own perceived imposter syndrome recently.
It’s been the most significant year of my life for learning. On top of family life, career milestones and daily stresses. Exploring the psychological edges, at times knuckles gripping. As a result, a myriad of human emotions are front and centre. Among them grief, euphoria, triumph. Guilt, joy, shame.
Ah, shame. There she is, a devout Catholic aunt, cardigan buttoned to the neck, rosary beads in hand. Ready the second a minor mistake is made to use this latest faux pas as damning evidence that I have failed in every aspect of my life.
“See, you shouldn’t be there, you don’t know enough, everyone else is clever and deserves their seat at the table. You’re embarrassing yourself and this family.”
Somewhere along the line though, Auntie Shame was trying to help me. To know the right answer, do the right thing. Keep the ‘normal’ mask on to prevent ridicule.
The truth is we understand more every day. It’s easy to miss that when on a steep learning curve and start ruminating or getting hypercritical. We can get curious with the shame response. Reflect instead of react to it and be open to new experiences, without having the immediate answers or knowledge. Choose self awareness over self doubt.
In the practice of bibliotherapy, the concept that we learn from not knowing is used in our sessions.
We don’t need to wait until we have the perfect creative responses to progress in the world. We can give ourselves permission to take conscious action from where we are, and not give 'imposter syndrome', our power.
Making a mess is where the development comes in.
If you'd like to get creative, and even messy through creative counselling in the east London area or online, then give me a call and let's discuss how it can support you.